Facing Loss and Death
Written by Heather Sullivan, Balanced Rock Co-Founder and Program Director
This past May, in just a week four prominent Yosemite-area community members left this earth…Erin Anders, Harvey Holland, Dean Potter and Graham Hunt. During this short time, there were other fatalities in the community-- both visitors and locals that I did not know. In early June my father died.
Hearts have been heavy in the Yosemite community as we gather in large and small groups to honor those we have loved and been inspired by. This is a time of remembering, of sharing, of taking extra time to hug a neighbor and slow down and BE with one another. It is a critical time to listen and not be energetically draining to those who are grieving.
Death can serve as a reminder to love and appreciate those who are living right now and who we are sharing space with in this moment.
Death is a reminder to gulp life now—to live to our fullest, brightest potential and enjoy these precious moments we do have. It is a reminder to get our things in order, settle grievances or debts in a timely manner, and make sure we let those we care for know. Extra hugs, taking extra time to be with each other and listening are some of the best things we can do for one another.This community is actually pretty good at dealing with death. We try and “take turns” at caring for each other.I think some people feel afraid to approach people who are grieving. From personal experience, I have to say it has felt really great when people take an extra effort to stop by and check in, to bring a meal, to help clean, to watch or walk the dogs, to remind to drink water, to ask to go for a walk, to listen, to share, to not be afraid to speak of death and loss and pain.I have found solace as both friends and strangers write letters or messages. And I really appreciate the friends that come and continue to check in and not take things personally if I am unable to commit to a plan or have the emotional capacity to hang out. Grief is a really funny thing. It is moment to moment, day to day. It is really hard to make plans and stick to plans in the first days or weeks of grief. Everything feels really scattered and focus is distracted. It is a time to really slow down and take things off one’s plate.It is really hard next to transition back to “normal” life. And it can be extremely lonely months later when most everyone is back to the day to day and there is still a massive void in the lives of those who have lost their closest friends or family members. This is a critical time to remember our friends in need and reach out, visit, make time for them.I remind myself to have the courage to reach out to those people in need of a hug, a smile, an extra gesture of love and community. Whether a close friend or not I hope to have confidence to not be afraid of the intimacy that grief allows us to be vulnerable to. I also strive to be a friend who can be counted on and available to those in need of someone, in an unconditional way, with true compassion and kindness and without expectation of outcome or return.I hope this perspective is helpful for you. I hope you can offer or find support through the trials of life as needed.